No need for Prince Charming

S5:E10 - The Considering Stage: Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part

Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler
This is a different kind of episode.
No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get talked about nearly enough — the one before any of that happens.
Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist based in North Carolina who is also a solo mum by choice to a beautiful two-year-old boy. She runs a six-week group program specifically for women in the considering stage, and she joins me this week to talk about what she sees in her clients — and what she went through herself — when women are first sitting with the idea that this might be their path.
Because here's the thing: making this decision is genuinely the hardest part of the entire solo motherhood journey. Harder than the fertility treatment. Harder than the newborn phase. And almost nobody talks about that.
We cover a lot of ground in this conversation — the grief that comes with letting go of the life you always thought you'd have, the fear of judgment, the pressure of the biological clock, the question of how long to keep waiting, and what it actually looks like to start taking steps forward without having it all figured out.
We also talk about something I think about a lot: why so many women base their assumptions about solo motherhood on single-parent households that came about through very different circumstances. And why finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most important things you can do when you're in the considering stage.
This one is for the woman who's been sitting quietly with an idea she hasn't told anyone about yet.
In this episode:
Why the considering stage is the most underrated — and most emotionally demanding — part of the solo mum journey
The grief of letting go of the traditional path, and why it's normal to feel both grief and excitement at the same time
Fear of judgment, fear of running out of time, fear of missing the partner who might be just around the corner
Why we can't make the decision by the same framework we were raised with — and how to start seeing a different path
The difference between solo mum by choice and single motherhood by circumstance — and why it matters for your mindset
The power of finding women already living this life and letting their reality replace your assumptions
Carrie's three pieces of advice for anyone just starting to sit with the idea
Why handwritten journaling is different from typing — and what it unlocks
How therapy helps — and why finding a therapist who has actually lived this experience makes all the difference
Why all the overthinking you're doing right now is actually making you a better parent
Key Takeaways
The considering stage is emotionally the hardest part of this journey — and you don't have to rush through it
You can feel grief and excitement at the same time. Both are real. Both are valid.
You don't have to be ready before you take the first step. You just have to take the first step.
Finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do right now
The overthinking you're doing is not a problem — it's evidence of how intentional a parent you're already going to be
Solo motherhood by choice is fundamentally different from single parenthood by circumstance — and your frame of reference matters
Solo vs single: intention and conception are everything
🏥 This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
 
💛 Still in the considering stage?
The Considering Solo Motherhood course will help you make an empowered, informed decision about whether this path is right for you — without spending hours lost in a Google vortex. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

S5:E9 - Michelle & Vayda-Rae - The long wait, the leap & life on the other side

The long wait, the leap & life on the other side
Michelle always knew she wanted to be a mum. What she didn't know was that the path to getting there would involve a two and a half year wait just to choose a donor.
She made her first appointment at Fertility Associates in New Zealand in 2014 at the age of 34, was told there were five donor profiles to choose from, and was promptly put on a waitlist. She spent the next two and a half years living in parallel — open to meeting someone, but keeping her eye firmly on this path. When the call finally came in 2016, she sat down with her five profiles, eliminated three for minor medical reasons and two for wanting more contact than she was comfortable with, and chose the tallest one. Vayda-Rae was born after four IUI cycles — a chemical pregnancy, a negative, an overstimulated cancelled cycle, and then a successful fourth round at 37 — partly funded by her parents.
She's now nearly nine, and this episode is something we don't have enough of on this podcast: a genuinely long view. What does solo motherhood actually look like at year eight? What are the conversations you're still having? What gets easier and what catches you off guard?
Michelle is warm, funny, and completely honest — including about the moments that were harder than she expected. Vayda-Rae going through a phase of calling her best friend's husband "dad." The Father's Day questionnaire at school. Being the only family that looks like theirs in a small New Zealand town. The very different thing it is to raise a donor-conceived child when there are no other families like yours within reach.
But she also talks about the things nobody tells you going in. The unusually close relationship you build when it's just the two of you. A daughter who is emotionally mature beyond her years. The adventures they've had together. The lotto win that changed things. And the letter she wrote to Vayda-Rae's donor-conceived siblings — still waiting on a reply, but trying anyway.
This is a story for anyone at the very beginning, wondering if it's worth it. Michelle's answer is unambiguous.
In this episode:
Making the decision at 34 and facing a two and a half year donor waitlist in New Zealand
How the counselling at Fertility Associates NZ walked her through how a donor-conceived child might relate to their story at different ages — a framework Michelle found genuinely useful
Choosing between five donor profiles and the logic (and laughs) behind the decision
Four IUI cycles at 37 including a chemical pregnancy, a cancelled cycle and a successful fourth round
Gestational diabetes and an emergency caesarean
The newborn days — and why having no partner to disappoint made it simpler than she expected
Raising Vayda-Rae in a small New Zealand town as the only solo mum family around
The Father's Day questionnaire, the school trip questions, and navigating a daughter who sometimes just wants to be the same as everyone else
How she's approached the donor-conceived sibling conversation — including the letter she sent
Deciding to be one and done — and the donor consent timeline that influenced that decision
What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence right now
 
This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
 
Still considering whether this path is right for you?
The Considering Solo Motherhood course was made for exactly where you are. Explore donor options, fertility timelines and the emotional side of the decision — live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
 
Key Takeaways
A long waitlist doesn't mean stop living — keep going in parallel and let the path unfold
Good fertility counselling should prepare you for your child's questions at every age, not just the medical process
Being the only family of your kind in a small community is a real challenge — connection with other solo mum families matters more as children get older
The two-person household actually simplifies the newborn period in ways that surprise most women
Trying to reach donor-conceived siblings is worth doing early, even if the response takes time
The decision to have a second child involves more than just wanting one — finances, support networks and donor consent timelines all factor in
The fears about judgment are almost always bigger than the reality

S5:E8 - Nicola & Luca - Solo Mum by choice from the start

Solo Mum by choice from the start: Nicola & Luca
Most women who come to solo motherhood have a moment — a relationship that ended, a birthday that passed, a realisation that waiting wasn't working. Nicola never had that moment. She just always knew.
From the time she was young, she never pictured a partner. She pictured kids. Solo motherhood wasn't a plan B for Nicola — it was the only plan. And what makes her story so valuable for this community is that the hard parts she navigated weren't about the decision itself. They were about trusting herself enough to actually go through with it.
Nicola is an optometrist, self-described planner, and someone who came to this journey with an unusual degree of self-awareness. She grew up in a home affected by domestic abuse, and she spent time in psychology making sure that her choice to parent alone was coming from a place of strength — not fear of intimacy. That clarity shaped everything that followed.
Her wake-up call to start came from watching her sister go through seven IVF transfers. Once she saw how unpredictable fertility could be, she stopped waiting. She started IVF at 33, attempted two IUI cycles first (one was cancelled when she ovulated too early), then moved to IVF. Her stimulation cycle was painful — both ovaries haemorrhaged — but she went to work through all of it, not knowing yet what was normal. She ended up with two embryos. She got pregnant on her first transfer.
And then she found out her sister was pregnant at exactly the same time. Two weeks apart. Same obstetrician. Their own private mother's group before their babies were even born.
In this episode we cover a lot of ground — the practical and the emotional, the things that went to plan and the things that didn't. Nicola chose an elective caesarean with clear medical reasoning, went back to work at five and a half months on a four-day week structure that she credits as genuinely game-changing, and has built a life with Luca that she describes, simply, as magic.
She also talks openly about the harder things. When her donor later withdrew consent, her remaining embryo was destroyed — a consequence of legislation that has since changed, but that caught families off guard at the time. She holds that loss with grace, and talks honestly about where she's landed on the question of a second child.
We also talk about donor-conceived sibling connections — why Nicola sought them out early, what they've given Luca, and why she sees them as one of the most meaningful parts of this path. Not because they replace anything, but because they give donor-conceived children a biological anchor that doesn't depend entirely on a donor they may not meet for eighteen years.
This is a calm, grounded, deeply reassuring episode. Nicola's advice for anyone sitting on the fence is characteristically direct: "You definitely can, 100%."
In this episode:
Why Nicola always knew she'd be a solo mum — and what it took to finally start
Growing up with domestic abuse and using psychology to trust her own motivations
Her sister's seven-transfer IVF journey as the catalyst to stop waiting
IVF at 33: ovarian haemorrhaging, two embryos, and a positive first transfer
Falling pregnant at the same time as her sister — two weeks apart
Choosing an elective caesarean and what informed that decision
Returning to work at 5.5 months and the schedule structure that made it work
Donor consent withdrawal and the destruction of her remaining embryo
Donor-conceived sibling connections — what they mean and how they found each other
The financial reality of considering a second child as a solo mum
What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd tell you right now
 
This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
 
Looking for your village while TTC or pregnant?
The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
 
Key Takeaways
Solo motherhood can be a first choice, not a fallback — and that changes everything about how you approach it
Therapy isn't a luxury on this journey — it's how you make sure you're choosing from strength, not fear
The practical fears around money, work and logistics are almost always bigger in your head than in reality
Building your village before baby arrives is one of the highest-impact investments you can make
Going back to work can be a genuine positive — how you structure it matters more than when
Donor-conceived sibling connections can offer children biological context that doesn't rely on the donor
The things you think will be a total disaster — you just figure them out. It's never as bad as you think.

S5:E7 - Nelly & Violet

From Chronic Illness to Solo Mum: Nelly’s Long Road to Violet
⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussion of miscarriage, fertility challenges, and medical complications during pregnancy.
Season 5 continues with Nelly’s story — one of resilience, persistence, and navigating an incredibly complex path to motherhood.
Nelly didn’t grow up assuming she would have children. With a history of renal failure, transplants, and years of medical treatment, motherhood didn’t feel like a given.
But over time, that quiet desire became impossible to ignore.
In this episode, she shares:
Living with chronic illness and how that shaped her path to motherhood
The unexpected discovery of a rare genetic condition during fertility testing
A long IVF journey with multiple cycles, losses, and setbacks
The decision to move forward with an egg donor — and how a friend changed everything
Navigating complex medical care throughout pregnancy
A sudden and traumatic early birth at 30 weeks
Life in NICU and the emotional reality of becoming a mum in those circumstances
This episode is raw, honest, and deeply human.
Key Takeaways
The journey to motherhood can be far more complex than expected.
Advocating for yourself and asking questions can change everything.
Support networks can shape your entire experience.
There is no “perfect” path — only your path.
Even the hardest journeys can lead to something incredibly meaningful.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
The best support you could ask for when TTC or pregnant as a solo mum-to-be
Trying to conceive or pregnant and want your village? The Bump Membership is your private WhatsApp community + fortnightly Zoom Connection Calls with solo mums-to-be across Australia & New Zealand. Join the Bump here.

S5:E6 - Megan & Jasper

Megan’s Solo Mum by Choice Journey: Taking It One Step at a Time
Season 5 continues with Megan’s story — and her journey to becoming a solo mum by choice.
In this episode, Megan shares how she approached this decision step by step instead of focusing on the end result, and how that made the process feel more manageable.
In this episode, she talks about:
Listening to other solo mums and how that helped her feel less alone
Taking the process step by step instead of focusing on the end result
Known donor conversations and why facilitated conversations are important
Adjusting her relationship with work after becoming a mum
Living with her mum and raising her son together
Trusting that you will figure out parenting as you go
This conversation is thoughtful, calm, and very reassuring for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the idea of making such a big decision.
If the idea of solo motherhood feels too big to think about all at once, this episode is a really comforting reminder that you don’t have to make every decision today — you can just take the next step.
Key Takeaways
Taking the process step by step can make big decisions feel more manageable.
Facilitated conversations can help when making known donor decisions.
Motherhood can change your relationship with work and priorities.
Support can come from family and different living arrangements.
You may not know what you’re doing at first, but you will figure it out.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
The best support you could ask for when TTC or pregnant as a solo mum-to-be
Trying to conceive or pregnant and want your village? The Bump Membership is your private WhatsApp community + fortnightly Zoom Connection Calls with solo mums-to-be across Australia & New Zealand. Join the Bump here.

S5:E5 - Jane, Jude & Charlie

Jane’s Solo Mum Journey: IVF, Identical Twins & A Pregnancy That Changed Everything
Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussion of pregnancy complications, pregnancy loss, premature birth, and NICU. Please listen with care and skip this episode if now is not the right time for you.
Season 5 continues with Jane’s story — and this is a story that will stay with you.
Jane always knew she wanted to be a mum, but after years of dating and never finding the right partner, she made the decision at 35 to pursue solo motherhood. What followed was a long IVF journey, big financial decisions, and learning to back herself even when the path felt uncertain.
When Jane finally fell pregnant, she received a surprise she never expected — identical twins.
But her pregnancy quickly became high-risk, and what followed was a rollercoaster of fear, resilience, impossible decisions, and navigating motherhood before her babies had even arrived.
This episode is about:
IVF and the emotional toll of trying to conceive on your own
Making big life decisions without a partner
High-risk pregnancy and how quickly things can change
Grief, fear, resilience and becoming a mother in very unexpected circumstances
The reality of doing this without a partner — but not without support
This conversation is raw, honest, and incredibly powerful — and a reminder that solo motherhood doesn’t always look the way you think it will, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.
Key Takeaways
You don’t have to have everything figured out to start.
IVF is often much harder than people expect.
Support networks matter more than you think.
Solo motherhood requires courage — but also community.
Even when things don’t go to plan, you can still find your way.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
Sounding Board Sessions
Need to talk through something that’s stressing you out, confusing you, or keeping you stuck? Book a Sounding Board Session — a one-off 60-minute coaching call to get clarity on your next step. Book your call here.

S5:E4 - Hayley & Oliver

Hayley’s Solo Mum by Choice Journey: From “One Day” to Done
Season 5 continues with Hayley’s story — one that will resonate with so many women sitting in the “I know I want a baby… but when?” stage.
Hayley didn’t wake up one day suddenly certain. Instead, her journey was gradual. Thoughtful. Honest.
In this episode, she shares:
When she realised motherhood wasn’t something she wanted to gamble on
The internal shift from “maybe later” to “now”
Navigating the donor process
The emotional reality of doing this without a partner
What surprised her most about stepping into solo motherhood
This conversation isn’t dramatic. It’s grounded. Calm. Clear.
And that’s exactly what makes it powerful.
If you’ve ever felt stuck between waiting and moving forward, this episode will feel like someone gently holding up a mirror.
Key Takeaways
Clarity often builds quietly, not explosively.
Waiting can feel safe — until it starts costing you time.
Donor selection is emotional, not just practical.
You don’t have to feel 100% fearless to move forward.
Choosing solo motherhood isn’t about rejecting partnership — it’s about prioritising what matters most.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
The best support you could ask for when TTC or pregnant as a solo mum-to-be
Trying to conceive or pregnant and want your village? The Bump Membership is your private WhatsApp community + fortnightly Zoom Connection Calls with solo mums-to-be across Australia & New Zealand. Join the Bump here.

S5:E3 - Rhiannon & Bunny

Solo Motherhood at 29, IVF in the USA & Raising a Donor-Conceived Child
Rhiannon didn’t spend years planning to become a solo mum. In fact, for most of her twenties she wasn’t even sure she wanted children at all.
Then one night she had a vivid dream about a baby girl named Beatrix — and the feeling never left. At 29, she decided to pursue motherhood on her own terms, travelling to the United States for IVF and gender selection. She became pregnant on her first embryo transfer and later welcomed her daughter Bunny during the COVID lockdowns.
In this episode, Rhiannon shares the surprising twists of her journey — from choosing treatment overseas, to navigating pregnancy during a global pandemic, to connecting with donor siblings across the world. She also reflects on the unexpected personal growth that came with becoming a parent, including receiving a later-in-life diagnosis of ADHD and autism.
Rhiannon’s story is funny, honest, and refreshingly real. It’s a reminder that motherhood doesn’t always arrive through the path we imagined — but sometimes the unexpected road leads exactly where we were meant to go.
Key Takeaways
A moment of clarity — how a dream about a baby girl led Rhiannon to pursue solo motherhood at 29.
IVF overseas and gender selection — why she chose to travel to the United States for treatment.
Pregnancy during COVID — the unexpected calm of experiencing pregnancy and newborn life during lockdown.
Donor sibling connections — how meeting families who used the same donor created a global extended family.
Parenting and self-discovery — how raising Bunny led to a late ADHD and autism diagnosis and a deeper understanding of herself.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
Expecting a baby on your own, or trying to?
Pregnant or TTC as a solo mum? The Expecting Solo course is designed for your first trimester—helping you feel informed, confident, and supported from the start. Includes 2 live sessions + expert resources - View the next course dates

S5:E2 - Carly & Rylan

From Car Accident to IVF: Carly’s Solo Mum by Choice Journey
Carly always knew motherhood was non-negotiable. Marriage? Optional. A partner? Nice, but not essential. But children? Absolutely.
After a serious car accident in 2020 forced her to stop and re-evaluate everything, Carly realised she couldn’t keep waiting for “someday.” What followed was a journey through public hospital waitlists, donor shortages, IUI disappointment, IVF pressure, and the emotional intensity of choosing a donor in a system where options are limited and timing is everything.
In this episode, Carly shares:
The breakup that made her confront her fertility timeline
The moment her dad said, “There are many ways to have a child.”
Being hit by a car on the way to a first date
Why donor selection was far harder than she expected
The stress of donor availability disappearing in seconds
Losing “her donor” and getting him back
The emotional impact of failed IUIs
Why IVF ultimately changed the trajectory
This episode is honest, grounded, and full of perspective for any woman considering solo motherhood.
Key Takeaways
Motherhood can be non-negotiable, even when partnership isn’t.
Public fertility systems can involve long waitlists and limited donor access.
Donor shortages are real, particularly for Caucasian donors and IUI cycles.
Extended genetic screening can reduce stress during donor selection.
IUI success rates are low (around 10–15% per cycle).
IVF may feel more clinical, but it can provide reassurance through embryo grading and higher success rates.
Emotional resilience is just as important as medical readiness.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
Free Download: 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Solo Mum
If you’re at the very beginning of your journey and wanting clarity, confidence and a calm starting point, this free guide is a must-read. It will save you hours of Googling and help you understand what actually matters when you’re deciding whether to go it alone. Download your copy here.

S5:E1 - Bec & Liam

From IVF Loss to Solo Motherhood: Bec’s Honest Journey to Becoming Liam’s Mum
Season 5 begins with one of the most raw and honest conversations yet.
In this first episode of the new season, Alisha sits down with Bec, who never imagined becoming a solo mum — until fertility timelines, life circumstances, and a quiet realisation changed everything.
Bec shares how a routine fertility check planted the seed that ultimately led her toward donor conception, and the emotional process of choosing motherhood without waiting for the “right” partner.
But this story doesn’t stop at pregnancy success.
Bec opens up about:
navigating IVF and miscarriage
the emotional complexity of pregnancy after loss
an unexpected early birth and emergency caesarean
the realities of newborn life as a solo parent
postnatal depression and the bond that took time to grow
learning to ask for help — and why no one should do this alone
This episode is honest, grounding, and deeply reassuring for anyone wondering whether solo motherhood is possible — or what life actually looks like on the other side.
Season 5 begins with a reminder that there is no single way to become a mother — and no single way to feel once you arrive there.
Key Takeaways
Solo motherhood is often not a lifelong plan — but a path discovered along the way.
Fertility conversations and medical guidance can shift life decisions dramatically.
IVF journeys are rarely linear and often involve emotional resilience.
Pregnancy after loss can feel anxious rather than joyful.
The newborn stage doesn’t always bring instant bonding — and that is normal.
Asking for help is essential, even when choosing solo motherhood.
Community and support networks are critical for solo parents.
Motherhood can fundamentally change identity and perspective.
Many solo mums experience overwhelming strength alongside vulnerability.
City Fertility Offer
I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here.
Considering Solo Motherhood?
Feeling overwhelmed about becoming a solo mum? The Considering Solo Motherhood course walks you through everything—from emotional readiness to finances and fertility—so you can make a confident decision. - Find out more